A few days ago a Tory – Boy Think Tank released a report of stupendous and stunning stupidity that suggested we should all abandon our homes in the cities and towns of the beautiful north because is was….well….the better in every way than the south. We ought to move to the scummy south brayed the Tory Boys in a tone reminiscent of Harry Enfield at his funniest or Margaret Thatcher at her most rabid.
Well it has rebounded on them with a vengance with the publication today of a study on coastal erosion witch suggests large tracts or land in “desirable locations” around the South Coast should be abandoned. The waterlevels will rise as the ice caps melt and the land is tilting, the south-east sinking into the Atlantic as the north rises. It is climate change plus geophysics, a double whammy.
Britain’s crumbling coast
So really it is not the north that is failing but the south that is sinking. And far from abandoning our northern homes we should raise the baccricades, take up our pitchforks and cudgels and prepare to resist an invasion of greedy, humourless, property obessessed, demi-francaise, Tories. They’ll play havoc with the value of our property you know, forcing up prices until we can’t afford to heat our homes or buy our pie and chips.
The publication of the think tank report shows that despite Cameron’s attempts at cuddliness, the Tories are still Thatchers party, braying, witless clowns with delusions of adequacy. We must never forget that.
Do you remember Tory Boy, the spotty, sneering, triumphalist young conservative created by Harry Enfield?
Tory Boy was a fictional character, a comic caricature like Loadsamoney or the grotesques created by Little Britain or The League of Gentlemen. Or was he?
I always believed Tory Boy was real, you see I was setting up computer and telephone networks in the City of London during that tsunami of unrestrained greed known as The Thatcher Years. I met Tory Boy every day. He was easily identified by his inability to differentiate between style and ostentation. His witless sneering was always aimed at easy targets and was generally so off target it was just off.
When the political mood changed Tory Boy disappeared but he did not die. All through the bleak years of John Major and the three stooges who succeeded him Tory Boy was lurking sceadugengan – like in the shadows of Conservative Central Office, unable to comprehend why he was no longer in the ascendant.
Before he could re-emerge into the light the political pendulum has to swing. In the event it was not the pendulum that swung but the Labour Party, so far to the Thatcherite right Conservatism became acceptable again.
Yesterday I logged the first sighting of Tory Boy in fifteen years at Iain Dales blog.
Dalie, normally an intelligent and witty blogger, worth reading even for those of us who will never agree with his politics, posted a bizarre blog about the Liberal Democrats. He asked why the Lib Dems are ducking a head on fight with the BNP.
It seems BNP candidates around the country will be opposed by Conservatives in all but 9 wards and by Labour in all but 10. The Lib Dems however will not fight around 120 wards where there is a BNP candidate.
What is the point of this question exactly other than a typically inept Tory attempt to smear the Liberal Democrats by trying to imply there is some covert arrangement with the BNP?
The Liberal Democrats are a small party, who can blame them for concentrating their resources in areas where they expect to do well, i.e. rural districts in the West and prosperous middle class suburbs.
The BNP are a small party, who can blame them for concentrating their resources in areas where they expect to do well, i.e. rundown inner city districts and industrial areas.
A head to head between these two parties was never likely any time soon.
So why is Iain Dale, whom we expect to be a Conservative Candidate at the next election trying to suggest the Lib Dems are ducking a fight with the BNP.
Could it be that next week the Conservatives anticipate the edge will be taken off their annihilation of Labour by successes at their expense by both Lib Dems and BNP?
If that is the case, a return to Tory Boy tactics is not going to help the cause.
Americas tradition of self loathing liberals
Tory leaders David Cameron yesterday displayed once again the shaky grip on reality that typifies Old Etonians. The Boy David enquired of our esteemed (so far) Prime Minister about plans to ban Islamic Extremist Organisations.
The Government it seems has no such plans. But why would they, there is about as much point as in banning prostitution, recreational drugs and binge drinking. After all such Islamic extremist organisations as may exist do not register with the charity commissioners and claim tax exempt status, they are not listed in Yellow Pages, do not advertise their meetings in the local paper and do not meet in low rents premises that have on the door little brass plaques reading:
Dorkton Islamic Extremists Sports and Social Club
It just shows how much Conservative leaders know about life on earth.
Former future Prime Minister Michael Portillo this week claimed that three months ago asked the rhetorical question “Can the Tories ever win another election?”
We remind you, only in the interests of accuracy because you know how Machiavelli hates blowing his own trumpet, that a year ago we asked that very question. Ahead of the pack again you see.
It is not just the defection of Quentin wossisname (did he used to be Jeremy Clarkson’s sidekick on top gear?) that tells us HM Opposition are once more in total disarray and another hopeless leader is being edged towards the door marked exit, but the very persistent rumours that another, very senior Tory is about to jump ship. Of course we cannot reveal who that might be, but do you notice a Patten here?
The Boy David thinks that his party should be stealing its social agenda from Guardian columnist and dangerous leftie Polly Toynbee rather than from the political philosophies of world’s greatest pissed politician Winston Churchill.
And why not? After all Toynbee is the writer who has consistently praised Fuhrer Blair’s great successes in reforming the NHS and Social Security and trumpeted the triumphs of New Labour’s education reforms which have statistics showing pupils getting a million A level passes each while at the sharp end of reality employers complain that school leavers are illiterate. Favourite Toynbee territory for eulogising Blair is crime. Crime figures are falling she proclaims even as Little Nicky is reporting that there is no point phoning the police when your neighbour is having the shit kicked out of him as they can’t be arsed turning up.
Earlier this week Polly wrote a column panning the curmudgeonly attitude of doctors and nurses in not getting behind the Governments wonderful reforms.
On the day after DC appointed Pol the head of the Tory think – tank The Guardian’s letters page this morning featured a complaint from a working nurse (well she was still working when the paper was put together last night – today, who knows?) that the government’s success in reducing waiting lists has been achieved by the simple expedient of arranging “interim appointments” for patients waiting for treatment. Which means the patients are waiting longer to actually get the treatment they need but they are getting their blood pressure taken more often while they are waiting. and of course nobody can complain that they have been waiting 12 months to see a doctor.
If this is Cameron’s version of caring conservatism I wonder what odds Ladbrokes are offering on UKIP being the second biggest party (behind the Monster Raving Loonies) after the next election.