With the number of Americans on food stamps hitting new highs year after year and the nation in dire financial straits and having trouble raising the money to fund it’s welfare bills, those very clever people, The Scientists, have come up with a plan.
As it is a plan devised by scientists it has, as regular follower of Little Nicky Machiavelli might expect, noting to do with helping the poor or solving any of the nation’s urgent problems and everything to do with flushing huge amounts of taxpayers money down the toilet.
‘Nasa is planning to lasso an asteroid and park it near the moon to study as part of a new, ambitious mission,’ the White House has confirmed. It might sound like a science fiction movie, but President Obama is expected to put $100 million aside for the asteroid rodeo in next week’s budget.
Plans already existed to send astronauts to an asteroid, but the galactic lasso is expected to speed the mission up by bringing the rock closer. It’s hoped that by examining the asteroid, scientists could work out how to mine them for materials and learn more about the mineral composition of the solar system.’
When asked what are the risks should the space ship Asteroid Wrangler fail to lasoo the rock and send it hurtling towards earth instead. The NASA dickheads have the answer, “A five hundred ton asteroid is no threat to earth, they said. Cupid Stunts, only a few weeks ago (science tits never know what is going on in the real world) an 10 ton asteroid exploded on entering the atmosphere, exploded releasing energy equivalent to 30 times that of the Hiroshima bomb, crashed into a remote part of Russia and caused the deaths of 54 people.
Imagine what a 500 ton lump of rock descending at 60,000 miles per hour could do it it came down in a heavily populated area.
If we are really serious about saving the planet, it is clear what we must do. We have to put all the scientists in a big spaceship and send them to the nearest inhabitable planet. That should satisfy their scientific curiosity and we would all be safe, at least for the 40,000 years it would take them to get there.
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